I’ve gone back and forth on whether to share the truly personal sides of my life. There’s always that internal battle of how personal is too personal when you have what may be viewed as a business blog. Perhaps that’s true, but one thing I always respect… whether on blogs, within people, businesses or whatever is transparency. Yah, this blog represents my company to a certain extent, but it also represents me, Adele.
The last two years of my life have been one heck of an emotional ride. I’ve gone through a divorce, the death of a pet from extremely devastating circumstances (RIP Sock-a-Roonie), leaving a pretty decent paying job, a period of feeling homeless (I wasn’t but I didn’t have a bed to call my own for some time), buying a condo within 3 weeks because I was so desperate for said bed, meeting the man of my dreams, discovering my pop had terminal cancer (he’s currently in remission – yah!), losing friends due to circumstances beyond my control rather than losing something else on the other side (gotta love that double-edged sword)… the list just goes on.
Anyways, back to that man of my dreams. Those words sometimes piss me off. I often resent them to no end. Why? Because shortly into our relationship I discovered he had brain damage. He was born with a condition called ARND (Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder) which falls under the FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) umbrella. Perhaps some of you know of it, for those that don’t, to cut it short, his maternal mom (he’s adopted) drank alcohol while pregnant and this essentially damaged his brain permanently. You wouldn’t know it to look at him or be around him, he’s extremely smart and we’re fortunate in that he’s considered high-functioning, but I won’t get into the clinical side of this. Quite frankly, it often confuses me. All that needs to be said for now is that the section of the brain which allows the left and right side to communicate is damaged which causes a myriad of challenges.
So ya, sometimes when I look at the man of my dreams, I get pissed off. Not so much because I view him as “damaged” but because it could of been prevented. If the alcohol hadn’t been able to destroy him before he was even born, our life would be oh so different. I get pissed off because “someone” (god, fate, whatever floats your boat) put him in my life to go on this wonderful ride only to later tell me that that to make this work we’ll have to face challenges most would run from. I wish I had the words to describe these challenges, so rather than try, I’ll share with you a song that brings a lot of clarity to me when things are fuzzy.
Truth is, we’ve been on this huge mountain climb since the day we met. Sometimes the trip up it has been exhilarating – memories I’ll always remember – and sometimes we’ve stumbled and slid down the mountain a little. Yet we always got up, dusted ourselves off and starting climbing again. Even when our pain and fears were too heavy to carry, we kept climbing. I don’t know if we’ll ever reach the top of the mountain together and perhaps along the way one of us will be too tired to keep climbing, but hopefully, one day, we’ll both reach the top to experience it’s beauty. I’m told it’s the most amazing feeling of freedom there is.
P.S. I don’t know if I’ll keep this post up forever. Perhaps one day I’ll wake up and decide it is too personal. But for now, this is me, my life, the life of the face behind this blog, Adele, not modernemotive, but Adele.
P.P.S. I know in the grand scale of things, we’re pretty lucky. There are much worse battles to face, this world ain’t perfect, but sometimes, just sometimes, you have to be a little selfish and only think about your little world. You live in it after-all.
› trackback
thank you for having the courage to share this! we all have these virtual lives and our real lives and it gets blurry sometimes. ie. what is real/what is virtual. but really it’s all real right? and for those of us who freelance, i think it becomes even a bit more real. i’m adopted too and it comes with it’s unique challenges at times – so i can relate a little bit… i hope you have a really great weekend and keep looking for the positive like i can hear you are doing :)
Amy | January 29th, 2010Good for you for being able to share such personal info! Seriously, that in itself is amazing. I only recently shared my name! What the heck?! But then I realized that it is me, and I WANT people I know in “real life” to be reading my blog and those that already read to know who I really am. It’s weird how you almost feel as though you’re holding back and then one day, you let it all out there and ugh, such a relief….well, that’s how I felt at least.
Julie | January 29th, 2010I hope you both reach the top of the mountain together. I think that we are all dealt different cards and to some, those cards may be wonderful, to others, the cards may be terrible. But we deal with what we’re dealt and keep going.
Cheers.
Adele, nice to know a bit more about you. Thanks for sharing.
jenna at sweet fine day | January 29th, 2010Thank you for sharing something so personal. I know how hard it can be to hit “publish” on a post like this… I’ve shared my fair share of posts that were similarly difficult and I’ve always been glad I did, because I always have this feeling that I’m alone and, for some strange reason, the feedback I get from blog-friends can sometimes be more reassuring than that I receive from real-world people. Perhaps this is because it’s so easy to sugar-coat my blog life, to not share the ugly truth of my darker moments…
I’m not going to pretend that I can relate to your relationship or give you pat advice. I know it must be so difficult at times. And I tend to wish that everybody I care about had a challenge-free life and that includes my friends in the blog world. But, when it comes to myself, I know that my own challenges define me, for better or for worse. And so it’s hard for me to ever wish them away, though sometimes I cry myself to sleep about them.
Mostly, I hope that you feel that you’re not alone; that even if we can’t understand fully, we care.
Jane
Jane Flanagan | January 29th, 2010xx
Oh Adele, you brought tears to my eyes. It’s wonderful that you are sharing parts of your personal life. I’m so happy to have “met” you and happy to have learned a little more about you from this post. :)
Jen | January 29th, 2010i’m glad i read this before you took it down :) thanks for opening up, it’s nice to know more about you. what a crazy 2 years you’ve had! love that top photo…
wendy | January 29th, 2010hi adele, it’s wonderful to get to know more about you and i thank you for sharing more than you normally would. it never ceases to amaze me the support that can be found in this blog world. big hug to you and hopefully one day in person too!
karyn | January 30th, 2010Hi Adele
Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself with us. I think it is so beautiful when people have the courage to let the real them be seen.
Like Jen (a few comments above) I had tears in my eyes when reading your post… As you will know from my comment to your 10 Things post I have had number of challenges over the last 7 years (mountain loads actually) which I won’t go into here, but it always hurts and angers me when I hear of other people (lovely people) going through hard times, challenges and frustrations. I am one of those people who just wants to help everyone and take away the things that hurt them and my own challenges have brought out that compassion in me even more.
I don’t know exactly what you are going through, and I won’t pretend I do, I will however offer an open inbox if ever you feel you need a listening ear (reading eye) on the other end side of the screen. Sometimes writing to a “stranger” is easier than talking with a friend. At least, I have found it is.
One of the beautiful things about your style of handmade online business and blog is that it allows you to be yourself and open up as you create whatever tone for that business and blog that you like.
I applaud you and honestly wish there were more people in this world as brave as you, willing to share their true selves. It really is a beautiful thing to encounter!
Be encouraged. You are not alone!
Amanda | January 30th, 2010Wow definatley a hugely personal blog post but it’s one of the reasons why writing a blog can be so theraputic. I personally like to hear about people’s lives as well as their businesses it brings the human aspect to all these online shops and is one of the reasons I love the handmade community.
I stopped writing my personal blog last year because I went through a very hard time losing my son and after that my heart wasn’t really in it. I didn’t share the full traumatic story as it would have been too much and way too personal but I did mention it incase someone else with the same prenatal diagnosis found me and wanted to talk. As a way to get out of the funk I was in I tried to concentrate on business and at the time that worked for me.
As I mentioned in the 10 things comments, I’m pregnant again and finding it hard not mentioning to people because its such a part of my life the sickness, the extreme tiredness the lack of concentration but fear the same problems we faced last time will happen again. All I can do is wait and see.
So yes share whatever you need to share with us, we are listening and we will not judge.
Take care,
Isa
Isa Maria | January 31st, 2010I find our daily struggles, big and small, keep us grounded and more importantly, connected. My relationship with my husband has endured many trials, many of which were out of our control. Because we have always been able to ‘climb’ through together, I know we have a stronger foundation than many of our friends. Was is hard. Hell yes! Has it been worth it? You bet.
You have such a beautiful voice. It is wonderful to read and share all the facets of your life, good, bad, personal, professional. Thanks for sharing Adele.
Angie | January 31st, 2010Thank you for sharing this intensely personal post. In a way, it must have been cathartic for you to write it. Like most people, I have also had my fair share of challenges–some which seem to be never ending. It helps me to know that other people who I consider to be creative, successful and all-around lovely also struggle. That probably seems cruel, but I don’t mean it to be. I just mean that we’re all human and we all have our highs and lows. It’s reassuring to me to believe that nobody has a “perfect” life. We’re all just trying to make do with the hand we were dealt.
Sometimes I wonder if I’d feel some sense of relief exposing my deep, dark secrets to the world, but I’m just not brave enough to do that yet.
PJ | February 1st, 2010[...] some of you may have read, my boyfriend has brain damage. I won’t get into anymore than I already have, but having seen the devastation F.A.S.D. (Fetal [...]
modernemotive: ecofriendly paper goods + design » Blog Archive » One thing | June 11th, 2010