I thought I’d be still be married.
I’m not. We got married young and essentially grew up together in our 20s. We just grew in different directions. I’m okay with that. I’m thankful we can still be friends and like I have, I hope he finds the one he can’t imagine being without.
I thought I’d have kids. Probably 3.
I don’t but I have 3 beautiful huskies. That probably 3 has now gone down to probably 2. I’m hoping for number 1 within the next 2 years.
I thought I’d have the “big house”.
I’ve had two with the second being the 2000+ square footer. It was the dream house you could say. I was sad to leave it but a big house doesn’t buy you happiness, fix relationship issues nor always feel “like home”. It’s just bricks and mortar and simply gives you shelter. The same shelter any sized home can give you. I’m starting to love my condo. It’s the only place I want to call home right now.
I thought I’d be a Creative Director in an agency.
I’m not and nor do I want to be. I realized that about 3 years ago. The corporate world isn’t for me. Some might say I’m the Creative Director of my own company. But the reality is, titles mean nothing, it’s what you do to contribute that matters. I’m just another person trying to run their own business. It’s tough, humbling and never easy, but I’m trying and I know somewhere along the way I’ll land my feet.
I thought I’d having plenty of savings for whatever my heart desires.
I did until I quit my job. Watching the number drop each month was scary. It still is. I wasn’t the smartest when it came to budgeting and continued to live my life as though I was pulling in $$$ a month. I’ve made some stupid mistakes when it comes to money management. Opting for nights out (lots of them) versus using the money to finally make my condo a home or take care of myself. I know my priorities have been wrong and I’m working on changing that.
I used to wonder if quitting my job was a mistake. I dabbled with the idea of entering the agency world again. Like clockwork, around the same time full-time agency opportunities were landing in my inbox (and still do) and I couldn’t even bring myself to respond. I knew then I’d made the right decision.
I thought I’d be finally comfortable in my own skin.
Some days I am, some days I’m not. Like everyone, I have days where my self-confidence is low. I used to place so much importance on my external self – the clothes, the weight etc. Having battled both anorexia and bulimia, even when I had the perfect body… the clothes… I still wasn’t always comfortable. I’m now working on my internal self which I realize will always be a lifelong to-do item. Trying to constantly achieve perfection within yourself is like shooting at a moving target.
… while I’m not where I thought I would be, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
Would you?
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To change
To risk it all
To truly live
To take action
One must have a lot of leverage to usurp the comfortable dictator, permanently.
In the Matrix, Neo takes the red pill.
In 300, Leonidas goes it against tradition to defend freedom.
In V for Vendetta, Evey no longer fears the dictator government.
In Modern Emotive, Adele becomes the actor and director of her new movie “Living my Life”. All her sequels will be box office hits.
I just wanted to chime in and thank you for this beautiful post sharing yourself with such candor. I can relate to just about every single thing you wrote. Thank you for making the world feel a little bit smaller and brighter! xo Ez
thanks for sharing this adele — i loved reading it and learning more about you. especially resonated with the last one. it’s so true that working on the internal self is a life-long thing. we’ll never be perfect, but i think it’s good and healthy to keep on making ourselves a better person from the inside. as for whether i’d change something in the past, my initial thought was no, and must admit i wish i’d had the guts to switch out of engineering and into something creative.
You’ve written what many of us feel. I’m at 44 and there are so many things that weren’t as I’d thought they’d be. I wouldn’t change a thing either. It’s the journey, not the destination. Thanks for the great post.
nice post adele. Doesn’t matter whether you’re 32 or 40. I grapple with these same issue every day.
Good on you, Adele,for being brave enough to share your confessions! I, too, was married before and had grand plans for where I thought I’d be in life at this age. The experience taught me that little in life turns out how you imagine it will, but that doesn’t mean it will turn out badly- often, quite the opposite!
I certainly wouldn’t change anything at all either. All the ups and downs were what got me to where I am now and made me appreciate what I have and what I’ve accomplished up to this point. There were times where I knew the road I was on was not the right one, it was just a matter of finding the turning and choosing to change direction.
What a touching and vulnerable post Adele.
Adele, I often read your posts and think, “I could’ve written that.” Especially this one. I had many of the same thoughts as you when I turned 30 in March. I actually had a quasi-breakdown just thinking about what I hadn’t accomplished yet — I don’t have children, I don’t have a high-powered, well-paying job, and I still struggle with self-esteem issues. I’ve been working on feeling grateful for what I do have — a wonderful, loving, supportive husband, an adorable dog, a house of my own, and old friends who love me for who I am. I’m learning that there is no deadline or timeframe for milestones. Life is a journey, and we’re all exploring it at our own pace.
Wouldn’t. change. a. single. solitary. thing. at. all. ever.
Doesn’t mean I won’t use my personal history to influence my future…just wouldn’t change the past.
Thank you for sharing this!!!
this is beautiful, adele. thank you for sharing. none of us have “arrived”.
If we ever were where we thought we’d be, we wouldn’t keep growing. Thank you for being so authentic, Adele!
Great and moving post. I love that you are able to share this much of yourself.
I also struggled with blending my past expectations to my current reality and learned that I just had to let it go and be happy with what I have now. It takes a lot of work, but is so worth it not to struggle so much.
And no, I wouldn’t change a single decision I made either:)
wonderfully written & *just* what I need to read.