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All month I have been quietly reflecting on my life and business. We all do it from time to time but often, when we force ourselves to self-reflect, we end up over-analyzing and run towards the first quick fix we can think of. These quick fixes seldom work and before we know it we find ourselves back at square one. It’s a vicious cycle we subject ourselves to and one I realize I have been spinning within for far too long. But, this time around something feels different that I can’t quite put into words just yet. Something shifted.

This shift is so loud and strong that I can no longer tune it out. Something within me wants to expose the realities I need to face and “call bullshit” on the excuses I make as to why I’m resisting change. I no longer want to ignore them. I no longer want to chug along as always and tell myself I’ll deal with my demons at “another time”. I no longer want to hear myself say I’ll do something and then consistently fail to follow through. As we shift into Fall and watch it shed seasons passed to prepare for renewal, it’s time for me to do the same.

For now, I’ll end the post here as there is so much I want to say and share but will save it for other posts. As I shift within myself, expect to see a shift over here too. I plan on sharing this journey with you and if you are going through something similar, I’d love to hear all about it.

Happy Friday.

Photo Credit: Johnny Lucus

Eek… I can’t believe it’s been over 2 weeks since my last post. I always seem to be taking unplanned blog breaks don’t I? Oh well, I guess it’s better to say nothing that just write “fluff” over here.

But, I do miss blogging and I do miss you guys. I just have so much going on right now that I can’t process anything into words. Someone needs to introduce my brain to focus because they keep by-passing each other.

How are you guys? What have you been up to? Got any focus I can borrow?

Photo Credit: Daniel Nesbitt

Truth be told, I work in some capacity most weekends. That said, how productive I am is debatable as I tend to call Twitter or any computer related activity “work” when it’s convenient for me to do so.

This weekend is different. I have some fire in me that wants to get a whole slew of stuff out of the way and so I’m rolling with it. Don’t quote me on that though. But let’s pretend I do stick to my plan, here’s what I’m hoping to get done… shoot new products, reshoot some old products, get some ideas out of my chaotic head and into Illustrator … oh and admin, lovely jubley admin.

Of course I’ll throw in some downtime too but a lot of the above has been neglected due to procrastination. Yes, the lady with procrastination pads procrastinates. Go figure huh?

What about you? Slave to your work this weekend or is it filled with non-work related fun?

P.S. For the record, I don’t feel as overworked as the image shows and I hope you don’t either. :)

Photo Credit: beforethecoffee

I mentioned yesterday that September is the month of renewal for me. As luck would have it, September is gearing up to be a fantastic month. So far on deck I have a trip planned to Montreal for the Labour Day weekend to hang with J’s sister and my good friend Michelle of Holley & Gill. We also have the condo re-do. Then I won tickets via @unmarketing for the pre-season opening game for the Toronto Maple Leafs. We’re in the 100 section. 16 rows from the ice. OMG.  Yah for September.

Another task weighing on my mind for September is a personal make-over too. I need it both externally and internally. I wrote about it before but erm, well, I didn’t follow though. No surprises there. We’ll ignore the fact this is a pattern with me. Trust me, I know it. I’m quite perceptive at identifying all my issues, but becoming reactive in fixing them is a whole other matter so let’s move on for now…

Some days I feel as though I’d be the perfect candidate for What Not to Wear. I’ve been so freakin’ sloppy with my appearance lately I sometimes cringe when I see my reflection in a shop window and come to the realization that I left the house looking quite frankly like shit! I haven’t had a professional hair cut in far too long, barely bought any new clothes this year, more often than not leave my eyebrow maintenance to the last minute… yes, what a pretty picture I paint huh? I can assure you it’s not as bad as it sounds. I mean, I’m not sat here looking like a total bum or anything (well most days) but I know I could respect myself a little better and put in more effort.

Another reason I need this make-over is because I’m tired of holding back from meeting new people due to my own insecurities. This feeling is ingrained in me due to a multitude of things but I know a good starting point to overcome this is working on my outer appearance. I’m not saying this will fix everything but I have to start somewhere.

I’ve built a fabulous network on local Toronto people on Twitter that I’d love to meet in person. I really believe one of the reasons I’m not moving modernemotive forward as much as I’d like is because I’m working in this self-contained bubble that is simply restraining me. One can only work alone for so long before the lines become blurred and you no longer know who you are or what you’re doing. I need to fix this. I need to spend more time with people that inspire me and give me the energy to keep at it. Working alone tends to suck all of that out of you and often you’ve floated away so far you don’t know how to make the trip back back to the self you know and trust.

What about you? Got any plans for personal change in the coming months?

EDITED TO ADD: Just wanted to clarify that the “make-over” will start now so I can start September in a happier place. While it feels odd to assign a timeline to something like this as it’s really continuous work, as September is going to be so much fun, I figured it would help me to have some goals to work towards.

Photo Credit: torpore found via Creature Comforts

J and I are heading to Silver Lake Provincial Park this afternoon for 3 nights and 4 days of camping. It’s his birthday today and this camping trip has become an annual event with his siblings. I can’t wait. I’m leaving the city. I can’t tell you how much I need this. Lake swimming, nature, camp fires, CAMP FOOD(!) and just 4 days of whatever our hearts desire. Goodbye city life, I won’t miss you.

What are you up to?

Whatever it is, I hope you have a wonderful weekend too and to all my fellow Canadians that have a long weekend, make it a good one.

Photo Credit: brookenovak

That’s what I am right now. I felt so exhausted today that I couldn’t resist retreating to my bed by mid-afternoon. Usually I feel guilty doing this, but I’ve gone through so many emotions this week, that I can no longer tell one emotion from the other.

I guess you could say horizontal is also a great way to describe the last 7 days or so. J and I got some news on Friday that swept us off our feet. While things could be much worse, it was an unexpected and painful blow nonetheless. I don’t want to have a pity party and go down the “why us?” or “when will we just get a break?” road. It’ll get me nowhere. But sometimes life seems so freakin’ overwhelming and difficult that I feel as though I’m suffocating.

As always we are bouncing back but I’m noticing these rebounds are taking longer to overcome emotionally sometimes. I guess I’ll just blame that on the good old age thing. Perhaps that’s something I can’t control either but at least it’s expected and it doesn’t blindside me out of the blue.

Photo Credit: uberllama

That pretty much sums up my day. Holding a thought long enough to finish it was near impossible so I gave up. Tomorrow though is a new day. And on a brighter note I just got the urge to start designing my Holiday 2010 line but I thought I’d pop in and say hello first.

How was your day?

P.S. The photo above was taken yesterday at the Toronto Outdoor Art Exhibition. J and I were dipping our toes in the pool at Nathan Philips Square. I love the sunshine over his hands.